Loving Controlling People

Speaker 1: 0:01

So I am so glad you guys are here with us today. Relational vampires I have a question for you have you ever been around someone that you would say sucks the life out of you? Yes, yes, if you're sitting next to them, don't look at them. Okay, don't look at them, but they may be controlling, highly critical, constantly looking on the negative side of life. Today, like Aaron mentioned, we start this brand new series, relational Vampires, where we are going to learn, as everyday people who are learning how to become Jesus followers. How do we love people that drain us, that overwhelm us, that suck the life out of us? How do we love those kind of people? Now I wonder, though, how many of you recognize in your life that there are some people who are just a little bit more difficult to love. I think we all can recognize that right, so we're going to talk about that. Why do we call this series Relational Vampires? Because what do vampires do? They're going to suck your blood, and there are some people that suck the life out of you.

Speaker 1: 1:10

Now I want to dive into this message with something that many people face. That many of us deal with is how do we love those people who are incredibly controlling, who are incredibly controlled. I asked this question last week, but I'll ask it again this week Do you know anyone who is a control freak? Yeah, I think we all do. Maybe the person you know that is a control freak though it might be you, maybe it's you, maybe it's not Control Freaks. Unfortunately, some of you have really been hurt by people, though People who have tried to control you, tried to manipulate you. Maybe it's someone who wasn't in an authority role in your life and they use their authority in an abusive way or a hurtful way. Maybe you even have a previous church experience where you kind of have a sour taste in your mouth about church because of the way leadership handles certain circumstances in your life and things like that, and now your relationship with God is even rocky because of that. It's a big deal. This is a big deal.

Speaker 1: 2:13

Most often, the people trying to control us. They're not always malicious. They're not always that way. Sometimes they're just needy, sometimes they're insecure, sometimes they're just hurting people who are trying to get us to do what they really think we should be doing with our lives, and if we don't these people, they can become. What An emotional black hole we can pour into them and no matter what we do for them, it's never enough. No matter how much you give them, they want more. You give them attention and they crave even more attention. And if they don't get what they want from you, sometimes they'll pout, sometimes they'll stop, sometimes they'll whine, sometimes they'll complain, sometimes they'll give you the silent treatment. But all the times when you're dealing with people like this, it feels like we're walking on eggshells around them. They're hard to have a relationship with, they're hard to be near. So how do we love these people? How do we love people who are trying to control us?

Speaker 1: 3:20

Let's start by building a foundation first, what are the weapons that controllers have? What are the weapons that controllers have? How do they try to take control? The two weapons that controllers have and you're very aware of this is this they try to use threats and they try to use guilt. How do threats manifest? How do they use threats? Well, in some form or fashion. They may say it or they may apply it, but basically, the tone is you better do this or else you better do this, or you're not going to get that. You better do this or I'm going to treat you this way. You better do what I want you to do.

Speaker 1: 4:01

It may be in a relationship with a boyfriend or your girlfriend and they say I'm going to break up with you to make you feel guilty if you don't do what they want you to do sexually, even though you both decided you wanted to choose purity until marriage, but not using that to make you feel bad, you feel guilty. Well, I love them. I don't want them to break up with me. Those little things. Maybe it's your boss that terrifies you, maybe he or she. They make you feel guilty if you don't get certain quotas, that you always don't get demoted. You're always kind of on edge at your job. You never feel secure in your workplace. Maybe it's a spouse who constantly threatens to leave. That's the first thing they say and they use whatever it is.

Speaker 1: 4:41

One of the things that manipulators or controllers do is they use threats. They use threats to try to get us to do what they want. The second thing they use is guilt. They be guilt, tripping A big old log, make a trip over. They do. They may say it or at least apply it. They may say things after all, I've done for you, after everything I gave up for you. I mean, I thought we were friends and you won't even do this. This is the one that I get. I get this one and you call yourself a Christian. I don't think Jesus would do that. And they haven't even read the Bible one time, you know. But they say you know your relatives, you know. They may say you never call me, aunt Betsy, you too busy for me, you don't love me, I may be dead, you know, even though, well dang, aunt Betsy, I got kids, you know. But it's threats and guilt, threats and guilt. So how do we, as everyday people are learning how to become Jesus followers, love those who, intentionally or unintentionally, tried to control and manipulate us?

Speaker 1: 5:46

Now, what I want to do is this I want to show us a story in Matthew's gospel. It's about Jesus in a disciple named Peter. Okay, jesus was very clearly explained in what he must do, how, what he must do in his life, what, how he must live out God's will in his life. And Peter, unintentionally trying to do what he thinks is right, literally tries to take control of Jesus and tell Jesus what, tell Jesus what to do, and he tries to distract Jesus from what God wants for his life. Okay, so, let so, let me kind of give you context so you can see what's going on. Jesus was clearly explained into the disciples that he was going to have to suffer. He was going to have to suffer and that he was going to die. And that was his mission that he was going to suffer and die, but God was going to raise him back from the grave, you know. So Jesus was clear throughout his time in disciples. This was his mission.

Speaker 1: 6:36

And Peter, on hearing this Peter, he's kind of already a rowdy kind of guy. He's a scrappy dude. He was also a zealot, and so the zealots believe that, that the Messiah was going to come and overthrow Rome. So they were looking for, they were looking for a king to overthrow Rome and bring Israel back to the kingdom. So Jesus talking about hey, man, I'm going to suffer and then I'm going to die, and you know, then God's going to break me back. And Peter said he's like no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how I see this thing playing out. Jesus, this ain't how this thing, this ain't how this was supposed to work, you know, and so, and so Peter essentially says yeah, that's not going to happen, you're not going to do it that way. You're going to do it my way and check out how the story goes. Matthew 16,.

Speaker 1: 7:20

Peter took Jesus aside and began to rebuke him. That's pretty gutsy, you know, but here's the thing I want you to see about this. Okay, notice what Peter does. Jesus is talking to all the disciples. Peter doesn't like what he hears that Jesus is saying, and notice that Peter doesn't address this in front of the crowd. What does Peter do in this situation? Peter grabs Jesus, pulls him to the side and begins to rebuke him.

Speaker 1: 7:48

You may have noticed there's certain people in your life that try to manipulate you, try to control you. They will often try to isolate you from people. They will often try to isolate you from your friends, from your church, from the people that have the best for you. Anytime you have someone who's trying to put their agenda on you, notice that isolation is close by. They're trying to isolate you, you know, so they can impose their will on you. But check out what Jesus says.

Speaker 1: 8:18

But Peter continues. He says Never, lord. This shall never happen to you. And this is him saying this is not what I want for you, jesus. I'm not going to allow this to happen. And what did Jesus do? Check out what Jesus did when Peter tried to manipulate him and get him to do what God didn't want him to do. Jesus turned to him and said Get behind me, satan, dang. All right, you are a stumbling block to me. You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.

Speaker 1: 8:46

Then Jesus said to his disciples I love that. He tried to pull them in isolation, but then Jesus went back into community. Community is so important. Okay, jesus said to his disciples Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. So how do we love those who are trying to control us, who try to manipulate us?

Speaker 1: 9:05

From this story, I want to give us three ways we can do it, okay. First one is this Know what you are called to do. Know what you are called to do. Now, this is, let's be honest, today, this one's tricky. This one can be hard, especially when we have little people in our lives and we have different things. We got to pay the bills we got to do. How do we know what we're called to do in our lives? Okay, see Jesus.

Speaker 1: 9:39

He was so clear on what his calling was that it kept him from getting distracted by outside voices. I love it because, over and over again, jesus was saying different ways, but very clear, very purposeful mission on why God sent him to earth. Why did Jesus come? He said I came to seek and save the loss. Jesus, he told us who he came for and he told us who he did not come for. Jesus said I did not come for those who are healthy, but I came for the sick. Jesus said I didn't come for those who are righteous, but I came for the sinners. Jesus said I didn't come so that other people would serve me, check this out. But Jesus said I came so that I could serve others and give my life as a ransom for them. Jesus was clear about what he was called to do. Jesus was incredibly clear on his calling and his purpose and when it came to Peter, it came to Peter trying to discourage him. He was able to counteract it because he knew what he was supposed to do. So here you go.

Speaker 1: 10:42

So my question for you today is this what is God calling you to do? What is God calling you to do? And a lot of times again, we mistakenly think about calling as his grand, grand big thing out there somewhere, like I'm called to help everyone in Uganda. I mean, that'd be cool if that's what you call it, but that's not always what you call it. Sometimes we think of calling as oh, I'm gonna come up with a cure for cancer. That's my calling in life. I'm gonna figure that out, I'm gonna do this, which, again, cool. Yeah, that's something that you're passionate about, but I think we overcomplicate calling.

Speaker 1: 11:15

You wanna know what your calling is? Your calling is what God has put in your hands right now. Your calling is what God is putting in your hands right now, and when we are obedient and faithful to God with what he has put in our hands, our calling over time will lead to our purpose, will lead to our purpose. Check this out For you. Your calling might be to love your spouse well. Might be to love your spouse well. You might be called to lead your children, because you don't know that the children that you are raising may be one of the most important things you ever do with your life, because they can be future world changers. Your calling might be, in this season, to study well, to be a good student and graduate from college and build a foundation for your life to build upon. Your calling might not necessarily be your job, but it might be the people at your job. Your calling might not be the work that you necessarily do, but the interactions with the people that you have to be a light and a dark, to be hope for people who are looking for something.

Speaker 1: 12:17

I'm going to tell you this for some of us, we're looking for this grand thing, and our society kind of always ties our jobs to our purpose, and the truth is this your job might just be a financial means to get you to live out your purpose, which is to love people, which is to do what God has called you to do. Okay, so you have to clearly identify your calling. For me. I know what my calling is. I want to make it practical for you, though. I want to make it practical For me. This is how I know my calling. This is how I know my calling in my life.

Speaker 1: 12:47

I know what I'm responsible for. I know what I'm responsible for. Okay, here are the things that I'm responsible for in my life. I am responsible for my relationship with God. That is no one else's job, but mine. That is not some good 30-second TikTok video of a preacher preaching. I'm close to God now? No, no, no. It's my responsibility to have a close relationship with God. So that's why I joined the 5 am club. I wake up every morning at 5 am, not because I want to, not because I just love to hang out with the birds chirping in the morning, but because I know I've got three kids up in my house and the only time I'm going to get some peace and quiet is at 5 in the morning. And that's why I spend time with God, because that relationship is that important to me it's worth sacrificing my sleep for. So the second thing I'm responsible for is my relationship with myself.

Speaker 1: 13:45

Now I've got to say something about this, because often, with good intentions, we think our responsibility is like you know, we may say, oh, of course it's my relationship with God, yeah, god. And then we may say, oh, but it's my kids and my wife and my wife and my kids and my arm and spouse and my kids. Now here's the thing I'm going to be honest with you. That's good and well intentions to say that, but if you're not healthy, how are you supposed to lead them? If your mental health is all is all crazy, if your emotional health is rocky, if your spiritual health is uncertain, how are you supposed to lead the people in your life? You have to take responsibility for your life. You have to take responsibility. No one's going to work out for me but me. It was up to me, and just me. I was beating chicken wings all day, come on. But I know I need to get my butt out there and run and be healthy for myself so that I can be a better parent to my kids. Am I making sense right now? Okay, so I got to do this, so I got to take responsibility for myself.

Speaker 1: 14:55

And then my third thing I'm responsible for my relationship with my wife, and it's not if she's doing her part, then I'm doing my part, type thing. No, no, no. Scripture tells me I'm to love her as Christ loves the church. Do I know how Christ loved the church? It was a self-sacrificing, unconditional love that he gave his life for man. That's some serious love, and that's where I want to get to. Now. I'm responsible for my relationship with my kids. I'm responsible for my close friendships. And then, lastly, I'm responsible for leading this church. I'm responsible for this and God has given me unique abilities to lead this church. And here you go, because I know what I'm responsible for and because I know what I'm called to do. It helps me not get distracted by other things that are trying to push me in different directions.

Speaker 1: 15:48

For example, less than a year ago, I was offered out of nowhere, larry, out of nowhere I was offered this incredible job to take over a church in St Louis. I could have been a rams never mind, rams don't play in St Louis anymore, they're in LA. Okay, but I got this incredible offer. When I was talking about the offer, it was one of those things that felt too good to be true. It was a senior pastor job. Church of a thousand people. They own their own building, have multiple campuses, the job here's the best part. The job, my job description would have been a preaching and vision pastor. Those are the things I like to do. And then they would pay for me. To get my master's degree was a part of the deal, all the bells and whistles. But here you go, I said no to it. You want to know why I said no to it? Because I know that God called me to start local vineyard church right here in Richmond, virginia and that God called me here to be planted here because there's everyday people in this city and our community that want to learn how to become everyday followers of Jesus, and because I know that's what I'm called to do.

Speaker 1: 16:58

It's easy to say no to things, even things that sound great, come on. So I had to know my calling, and here's the thing. Could I be honest again, though, with you guys? If I can't be honest, I guess I'll go somewhere else, but if I can be honest with you guys, even though I knew to say no and I did say no instantly there was a big part of me that wanted to say yes. There was a huge part of me that wanted to say yes.

Speaker 1: 17:20

You want to know why I wanted to say yes, because I have a problem. I have a problem, and you have this problem, and my problem is that I'm a people pleaser. Is that I'm a people pleaser? The problem is that many of us are also people pleasers. In fact, how many of you would say you battle with people pleasing by a show of hands? Here you go, some of you raise your hands because you wanted to please me, but many of us battle with this, and what we need to understand is that people pleasing is a form of idolatry. And what do I mean by that? What do I mean by that? Because what is it doing? What we are doing is we are wrongly putting people's opinions of us ahead of God's calling on us. We're wrongly putting people's opinions of us ahead of God's calling on us, and that's why we have to be so clear on what His calling is. What does he call you to do? Is what does calling do? Calling clarifies. It clarifies where you're going. It clarifies the direction your life is going Because, let's be honest, a lot of people have a very clear view of what you should be doing with your life.

Speaker 1: 18:41

A lot of people, if you gave them the time, they would tell you exactly what you need to be doing. There are people who want to control you and say what you should do. You should go here, you should do this for me. They have a very, very clear plan for what you should be doing with your time and your resources. So when you know what you're called to do, it creates clarity.

Speaker 1: 19:05

Because here's the truth I can't please everyone, I can't serve everyone. I can't save everyone, can't save no one really, and neither can you and neither can you. I can't do everything, I can't be everywhere, but I can. I can be responsible for my relationship with God. I can be responsible for myself. I can love my wife and love my kids and take care of the church that God has uniquely gifted me to lead. I can do those things, but I can't do everything. I hope this is helping some people in here today.

Speaker 1: 19:40

Ok, because we need to know what we're called to, and one of the reasons and one of the ways you find your call and is doing that exact thing ask yourself what are you responsible for. Here you go. Not what you are concerned about. There's a lot of things we're concerned about, but what are you responsible for and what has God calling you to do with that? Here you go. What does every controlling person have in common? What does every controlling person have in common? There's one thing that every controlling person has in common Are you ready for it? Every controlling person has someone who allows it.

Speaker 1: 20:21

I want to let that hit for a second, because I know that can be hard too, though, because there's some people that got their. They got kind of they're trying to control you and it's kind of deep. You don't know how to get out of it. It's kind of deep. They say things, they send a little text messages to try to live rent-free in your brain. They know what they're doing and we got to release those people to God and set up proper boundaries. But here you go Everyone who is controlling has someone who allows it. So the person who is doing the controlling has a problem, but we wrongly allow it to happen to us and we have to stay.

Speaker 1: 21:07

They know I'm called to this. You're messing with my mental health and I can't mess with that anymore. I got to say no to you. You're weighing down on me emotionally and I know I love you and you keep trying to guilt-trip me. I got to take a step back from that relationship. Ok, let's keep going. Let's keep going in this. So that's why calling is so important.

Speaker 1: 21:26

The second thing is this Know when someone is trying to control you. You may be like Jacob if I knew when they're trying to control me, I'll just tell them to stop. Not true, not true. To recognize and acknowledge when someone is trying to control is trying to push you into doing what they want and perhaps away from what God wants from you. This is important. This is what's going on in this story. Jesus is basically saying this is what God is calling me to do. I'm going to lay down my life and God's going to raise me up again.

Speaker 1: 21:52

And then what does Peter do? Peter stands Jesus down and says no, no, no, no, no, jesus, no, you are wrong Jesus. He says I'm not going to let that happen. Never, ever, ever. Am I going to let that happen? Now you got to ask yourself what's Peter? The worst guy that ever lived? No, did he hate Jesus? Not at all. Was it his intentional plan to distract Jesus from the will of God? Not at all. He was a good guy who loved Jesus.

Speaker 1: 22:27

In fact, moments before this conversation, peter just won Jesus' Jeopardy. You may be asking what's Jesus' Jeopardy? Jesus was asking all the disciples. He asked them. Oh, he says who do people say that I am? And all the disciples were naming all these different people and they all had it wrong. And then Jesus said to Peter we said well, peter, who do you think I am? And Peter says you are the Son of God, you are the Christ, you are the Messiah. And Jesus says Peter, peter, that's amazing that you knew that that didn't come from man, but that didn't come from flesh, but that was revealed to you by our Father in heaven. Peter just won Jesus' Jeopardy. So Peter was not an evil man, just like perhaps most of the people in your life were trying to manipulate you, but in that moment he was putting his own plan. He was putting his own desires ahead of God's, and that's why you have to acknowledge when you're called to do something and someone is trying to put their plan above God's plan on your life. You have to be able to be aware of that. So why did Peter try to control Jesus? Because in that moment he didn't understand God's plan, and that's why we have to recognize it and it may be a really good part.

Speaker 1: 23:51

I want to be honest with you guys. Some of the people that are trying to control us are the people we love. It's easy to point out the mean boss and the crazy co-worker and the point, but if we're being honest, sometimes it's the people that we love, the good people, good hearted people, a person that loves you and you love them. But we need to recognize, when it's intentional or even unintentional, that they're threatening us or they're trying to guilt us into doing something and they're trying to isolate us from friends or manipulate us to rescue them again. I want you to hear this one there's some people that will constantly want you to rescue them and in that first you're like, of course, I'll do anything for you, I'll help you, and you help them once, you help them twice, but then they're not moving in a direction to get help themselves. And we got to be cautious of that because you were never designed to take their burden.

Speaker 1: 24:56

You may really know what you're calling. You have to really know your calling. This is my lane, this is my purpose, this is what I'm doing. Then it sees in my life, this is what I'm supposed to do, and when you have that, you can acknowledge and know Okay. Third thing is this Know when to draw a line in the sand. Know when to draw a line in the sand. You got to know when it's time to put that line in the sand.

Speaker 1: 25:16

This is exactly what Jesus does to Peter. Jesus says this is what I'm called to do. Peter says no, no, no, you know, this is not what I want you to do. Jesus turned to him and said get behind me, satan. That's kind of fun to say a little bit. I don't know if you ever said that to someone, before Someone made you mad. You said get behind me Satan. They'd be like whoa, that's intense, you know, you know. But Jesus turned to him and said get behind me, satan. You have your stumbling block to me. You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns. This is what I want to encourage you to do.

Speaker 1: 25:51

I want you to get good at saying get behind me Satan. You may not have to say the exact phrase, but you have to start saying to the things in your life that are constant roadblocks to where you want to go Get behind me. Negative person. You got to get behind me. Negative situation, get behind me. Person that keeps trying to drain my mental health, my emotional health. Hey, man, you got to get behind me. Right now, grandma, grandma, come up to you, guilt, tripping you, making you feel bad. You got to look at grandma, looking right in the eyes, say grandma, get behind me Satan. Okay, don't say that to your grandma, don't do that to grandma. But for real, no, we got to get. And the reason why? The reason why we got to get good at getting people like that behind us because they would do everything in their power to get you from what God has called you to do.

Speaker 1: 26:53

Who in here has ever spent hours thinking about a conversation with someone who was very negative, someone who tried to drain the life out you? But in reality they really aren't that important in your life and you have wasted time and energy when you could have been playing with your kids or hanging with your spouse or doing something productive with your time, and these people just pull this stuff out of you. Am I talking to anyone? It's just me, because there's people that would do that. And when you don't know what you're called to do, when you don't know what your responsibilities are, when you don't know, you will go into the negative thing more than the positive things. Who knows in here that we dwell on negative things more than positive things? We'll hang out with a negative situation even though there's 10 other positive things around us that are actually edifying us, making life better and actually what God has called us to do.

Speaker 1: 27:46

Jesus in his one moment says hey, man, peter, get the step in with that kind of stuff. And notice that Jesus didn't dismiss Peter. He dismissed the concern of Peter in that situation. He didn't dismiss the person. He said hey, man, that's not what God wants you to do. That's not what God wants us to do. James, you can play a little something up here for me. He says do that, but I want you to get this.

Speaker 1: 28:10

Imagine if Jesus. Imagine when you, just for a second, that Jesus was codependent. Let's think about this for a second. Imagine if Jesus was codependent, right? Imagine if his identity was wrongly wrapped up in Peter's opinion of him. He said guys, this is what God wants me to do.

Speaker 1: 28:36

Peter's like no, no, no, no, no, this will never happen. No, no, no, that's not going to happen. And Jesus is like well, I don't want to make you upset. And Peter's like well, you're never going to do that and I know I don't want you to do that, jesus. And Jesus, if you do that, I'm not going to be your disciple, no more. And Jesus, if you do that, I'm going to unfollow you from Instagram. And Jesus, if you do that thing I don't want you to do, even though you don't do the thing I want you to do, I'm not going to listen and I'm going to get upset. And then imagine if Jesus heard that and Jesus was like oh well, peter, well, I don't want to make you upset and I know what God wants me to do is for the sake of all humanity, but I don't want you mad at me. So do you just want another miracle? Do you just want to get a cup of tea together? I'll do what you want me to do, peter, because I don't want to make you upset. It's kind of funny the thing about Jesus doing that.

Speaker 1: 29:42

But the truth is maybe, just maybe, there's some people in our lives. We have given them parts of our hearts and our mind for way too long and we have missed out or missing out on what God actually called us to do. There's some people. I mean, they always just make you feel bad. You kind of think it's you, don't you Because of me, and if we're maybe holding their opinion of us way too high, and when we do that, their opinion of us pleasing them becomes our idol, and when people's opinions of us are idle, we will follow that and not listen to the leaden of Christ. So what are we going to do with this, friends? What are we going to do with this? Because this is when things can get incredibly dangerous when we do this.

Speaker 1: 30:52

This is what we know. We know that this is true for any relationship, that the relationships you have are a combination of what you've created and what you allowed, their combination of what you've created and what you have allowed. Think about it. Every relationship you have your marriage, your siblings, your relationship with your boss, your coworkers, your friends, your children they are a combination of what you have either rightfully or purposefully created or what you have passively allowed to come in. We create patterns. We create healthy patterns. Are we allowed on healthy ones? Every relationship? Here's the practical thought, here's the practical application.

Speaker 1: 31:32

If you don't like what you have, change what you expect and what you accept. There's some people we got to change the expectation because we're doing a dance with them that we don't like and it's time to stop the dance. I'm not going to accept that anymore. I'm not going to let you talk to me that way anymore. I'm not going to let you try to control what I do. I'm not going to let you make me feel bad about something that I know God's calling me to do. I'm not going to accept that anymore. I'm not going to change the expectation and I'm going to change what I accept.

Speaker 1: 32:06

I really feel like, for some people with adult children, this is something that you really need to think about Change what you expect, change what you accept. I just feel like the Holy Spirit is saying the reason why is because you are me. I'm made for more. You are a child of the most high God. I want to make this personal. The same way you wouldn't let someone talk to your kid, manipulate your kid, god is saying I do not want someone to do that to you. So you got to change what we accept, change what we expect, change what we expect, change what we accept.

Speaker 1: 33:02

And this is the last thing I want to say. Friends, I know this message is going to be a little heavy and this is going to be a little heavy, and I know there's people out there who want to control us. But here's one thing Again, I want to be transparent with you guys. Again, I know there are people out there that want to control and manipulate, but again, maybe this is just me and you guys can pray for me at the end of the service. But sometimes, when I wake up and I look in the mirror, you want to know what I see tattooed across my head King of control freaks. Yeah, I don't know about you guys, but sometimes I want to control. I want to make people do what I want them to do, and even my intentions are most of the time really good, because I know if someone does this and if they do this and we work and they were, the things would go great. This would be awesome.

Speaker 1: 33:56

But here's the thing. Here's something that the Lord has worked on me, convicted me, with the very method that Satan used in the garden was to control and manipulate, and that's not what we're supposed to do. And I don't know about you guys. The reason why I want to control things at times is if I'm, if I'm being honest with myself. My honesty is the first step of liberation. If I'm being honest with myself, it's because I think I can play God. But this is what I recognize time and time again I don't do a good job at playing God, and neither do you.

Speaker 1: 34:37

Can I control my spouse into changing? No. Can I pray and ask the Holy Spirit to move in different areas? Yes, I can. Can you control your kids from getting off the certain things, the different addictions, off of different patterns? No, you can't. But can you pray? Can you love? Can you create spaces for them to talk to you? Yes, you can.

Speaker 1: 35:00

Can you control all the circumstances in your life? Here's the biggest thing that we all recognize we can't control life circumstances. There's so many uncontrollables out there. But what we can control, what we can work on, are the things that we're responsible for and we can say, god, I'm going to give you these things in my life, I'm going to trust you with these things and I am going to listen to you every step of the way. Because, friends, it's easy to pick on the people out there who control, try to control us, but I want you, in your life, to ask yourself this question what have I been trying to control and what have I allowed in my life for way too long? Because there's freedom in Christ Through the sunsets free, it's free indeed. Let's pray. God, jesus, holy Spirit, we thank you for your goodness, we thank you for your favor.

Speaker 1: 36:16

And, man, even as I was prepping this message, as we God, and even right now, god, I feel the same thing. There's people in here that, yeah, you have been manipulated, you have been controlled. People guilt-tripping you, making you feel bad, maybe an ex-spouse, maybe your parents, maybe someone that you kind of gave a part of your heart to. That's for the Holy Spirit saying one that he just wants to love on you. It's like the Holy Spirit saying he doesn't judge you, he's not mad at you. I actually feel like the Holy Spirit says he understands. I feel the Holy Spirit saying I don't want you to stay in that broken relationship, not one day longer. Change what you expect, change what you accept. That's like the Holy Spirit saying protect your heart, for it's the wellspring of life.

Speaker 1: 37:37

If some people are trying to attack your heart, that's what the guilt is. They're trying to guilt you, making you feel like you're not good enough, or you're not, or you're doing something whatever, trying to make you feel bad. And I feel like the Lord is saying no, no, no, protect your heart. That's not what I say about you. Don't let someone else's brokeness speak louder than God's promises on your life. I want to echo that again. Don't let other people's brokeness speak louder than God's promises on your life. Hurt people, hurt people. Healed people, heal people. So, god, we ask for healing, we ask for your freedom, we ask for your love. More of you, less of us.

Speaker 1: 38:42

If you're in here today and you are dealing with someone that you feel like is constantly trying to guilt you, threaten you. I just want to pray for you, right where you are. I just want to say, god, intervene in that situation, give them wisdom and clarity, be with them, lord. And I also want to pray for people you don't know your calling. You're struggling to find your calling. Okay, guys, I was going to say this out here. It's like the Lord is saying stop sacrificing your calling for people who are ungrateful. I know that sounds harsh, but I don't know. That's for one person, two people or no people, maybe, I don't know. Stop sacrificing your calling for people who are ungrateful. So, jesus, help us. Help us understand that. Jesus, we love you, we want more of you, we need you. Lord, help us love those who try to drain us. Help us lead with your love, god, we love you and we need you. In Jesus' name, amen, amen, amen. Let's give God some praise in here today.