How to Handle Conflict

Speaker 1: 0:00

Now there's one thing we all have in common in this room today. Whether you're a Niners fan today or Chiefs fan today, there's one thing that every single one of us all of us have in common At some point in our lives, we have had conflict with somebody. There's been someone in our lives that's driven us crazy, drove us crazy, someone that we've been in argument. Hey, maybe on the way here today you are arguing with somebody, you know, but conflict is something that we all have in common. We are in a series today called ER, where, and when it comes to relationships, I think all of us have ended up in the emergency room at one time. All of us have been kind of banged up. We've all had fights and disagreements and problems with people that leave us banged up emotionally and mentally. Now this series, er, is a play on that medical term, but it's also about what we really want in our lives. All of us want extraordinary relationships. All of us want friendships and connection with people. We all want to love and be loved, and so we're going to talk about this. What does this look like, to have these relationships? Because the truth is this life change the life change that you want happens in the context of healthy relationships. With healthy relationships Now, today's topic every single person can relate to married, single in a relationship, have kids or, if you just are around, people who breathe. We've have conflict with people, so how do we resolve it? How do we resolve it?

Speaker 1: 1:36

Okay, here's our Bible study today, in Ephesians 4. It says this. It says in your anger, do not sin. Okay, that's a tough one already. In your anger, do not sin, do not let the sun go down while you're still angry and do not give the devil a foothold.

Speaker 1: 1:53

Okay, now to highlight something that could be easily misunderstood. The scripture says in your anger, right, it says in your anger, meaning we all get angry. We get angry. Anger in itself is not sinful. Just to let you know, some people don't know that it's anger and it's like for me, I get angry when I hear about injustice. I hate hearing about people getting put down or people being marginalized and things like that.

Speaker 1: 2:18

Actually, a good little tip. A good little tip if you're trying to figure out what's your purpose in life, if you're trying to figure out man, what am I called to? Where am I supposed to do? What does my life mean? A good tip on how you to discover what your purpose is. You want to ask yourself two questions.

Speaker 1: 2:32

Ask yourself what do I love the most and what do I hate the most? For me, for example, for me, what I love the most? I love when I see people experience freedom, find victory in their lives. I love to be the person that can help and coach people to succeed in life and to meet their dreams. You want to know what I hate. What I hate when people are brought down and held down either by their own decisions or things that have happened to them and they can't find their way out of it and they stay stuck. And so, for me, my purpose is to help everyday people learn how to become Jesus followers, because my purpose is, out of a place of what's something that I love people experiencing freedom, out of something I hate people being held down, and with Christ, they can find freedom. So I encourage you, oh dang, I encourage you to ask yourself that question, because anger can move us.

Speaker 1: 3:25

It can move us to act, to respond. It's how you handle your anger that matters. It's how you handle it. Another way to put it is like this all relationships have conflict. All relationships have conflict If you have a real relationship with someone, if you really love somebody, you're going to have issues with them. It's a part of life. Whether it's small or big, conflict is natural. Now, conflict is not the enemy, though Conflict is not the enemy.

Speaker 1: 3:55

Who in here has any older siblings? Okay, yep, yep, I'm the baby of the family. And my big brothers? Well, okay, first of all, I gotta confess I was a feisty little kid. I'm still kind of feisty. I used to try to bite my brothers and I'd drop elbows on them. Anyone know what they would do? They would hold me down, I couldn't do anything. But then they would always take my barney too. That's messed up, no, but I always got in fights with my brothers. It's a part of it, it's a part of life. We get in arguments, but I still love them. They're great. But here you go, we have conflict. Someone. Here you got conflict with your neighbors, with your coworkers, with your friends, with that person who just cuts you off on the road getting in the church.

Speaker 1: 4:43

Today, we all have conflict. It happens. Conflict is everywhere. We just have to recognize and see.

Speaker 1: 4:50

Small fights are everywhere, little things that people say or do, those little jabs that drive you crazy. You know what I'm talking about and you all know. If you're a jabber too, you know who I'm talking about. You thought those little jabs and you had an argument with someone like, why are you going to bring that up? For you know, and they may drive you crazy, but what we don't want to do we don't want to see small fights become big problems. We don't want to see small fights become big problems. We don't want small things. Oh, because, here you go, small things over time can lead to broken relationships, can lead to broken friendships, our coworkers, our business partners.

Speaker 1: 5:24

Truthfully, a lot of us have walked in with different conflicts. Today. We all have different things, relationally, that we're dealing with. Some of them might start small, some of them might be big. I don't know what your conflict looks like, but this is what I want you to know the enemy is not your conflict. Okay, the enemy is not conflict. What we want to learn is how do we handle conflict the right way, god's way, in fact? All relationships have conflicts, but extraordinary relationships have healthy conflict. Is that a thing? It is a thing, actually. You can have healthy conflict.

Speaker 1: 5:56

The question is like, if you're going to get in a fight with someone, but when and how did you handle it? And I said this on the stage a few times. I'm going to say it again if you go to LVC for any extended amount of time, at some point I'm probably going to offend you. At some point I'm probably going to say something that hurts your feelings. Or maybe I didn't return a call, or maybe I missed an important date. You know, whatever, something in your life it's going to happen. I am going to offend you at some point. And the reason why I know I'm going to offend you because my wife and kids, who I love more than anyone, I drive them crazy all the time. So if I offend them, of course I'm going to offend you. But if I offend you, I don't want you to just leave the church. I don't want you to just run away and never talk about it. Where did Jimmy go? I never know where he went.

Speaker 1: 6:45

But you want to talk, you want to bring it up and talk to it because, because the reason why, because sometimes the conflict that you have, sometimes the offense that you have that someone else has done, is an opportunity for you to grow as well, for you to bring it up and get healing in your life. Okay, so our aim today is this to have healthy conflict, because we don't want to run away from our problems, but we can embrace it and grow from it. Okay, back to Ephesians. It says do not send in your anger. So first thing is this healthy conflict is safe. It's safe.

Speaker 1: 7:18

You want to know what drives me bananas, that's the only way I can put it. You want to know what drives me crazy. And then every single human in my house does it. Even though we have about seven different laundry baskets in our house, somehow the dirty clothes always end up right in front of the laundry basket, like, let's right in front of it. Maybe you try to do Kobe and you missed it. That's fine, but pick it up and slam, dunk it back in there. I mean, there's a laundry basket in my daughter's room and both of my son's room in the bathroom. There's two laundry baskets in my room, and then not only do they just land in front of the laundry basket, sometimes the dirty clothes are in the middle of the hallway. I'm like you getting on dressed in the middle of the hallway. It drives me crazy. I don't understand what else I need to do. How many more laundry baskets do I need to buy?

Speaker 1: 8:18

As you can see, I got some anger. There's some anger in me, right then, you can see that. But here you go. Just because I get angry, does that give me the right to walk into my daughter's room and start flipping her Barbie dream house? I don't think so, does it? Here you go. I got to ask you guys a question. You guys tell me if I was in sin or not. Okay, tell me if I got angry in my sin.

Speaker 1: 8:44

Back in the day, I used to live in a three bedroom townhouse with six other dudes and a dog. It was awesome. Towards the end of that, though, when I was engaged to Aaron and I saw victory coming ahead, where I knew I was about to share a nice house with a soft, beautiful woman and not be with these stinky six other dudes Towards the end, I kind of started to not really care too much. So I was always kind of in charge of the house, and there's about three other guys who just were not clean at all. They were just not clean. And so tell me if I was in sin.

Speaker 1: 9:21

Okay, I'm mad, because they would leave their dishes in the sink. They leave their clothes and stuff in the main living, their gym bags in the main living area. And so what I would do? I would shoot them a text. I even wrote them a note and say, hey, pick up your stuff, pick your stuff.

Speaker 1: 9:35

And if they didn't do it, after the first morning I just started throwing dishes away. I'll tell you. I just threw it out, grab it and throw it away, just throw it. I went clean, I just throw it away. And a lot of them they worked out, and they had those blender bottles you know how bad those things smell after a couple of days or protein, and then, out of this, chuck them. And then they will come home and, hey, man, where's my blender bottles? You know, I said I threw them away, man.

Speaker 1: 9:58

And then tell me here's the sinful part. Maybe at one point I didn't. I stopped throwing them away. I would grab the dirty dishes and I would lay it right on their pillows in their bed. Was that sinful in my anger? Maybe a little bit. God was working something in me, maybe. Okay, so so you know, but it was in our, in our anger. We don't want to sin, we don't, we don't want, we don't want to do that. But let's get real. Okay, let's get real. Let's get real about anger, because, hopefully, conflict is safe.

Speaker 1: 10:27

But we feel angry at time, we all feel it. And what anger is like? It's kind of like this line that we walk up to. And here's the thing God wired us this way. God wired us to. You know, he didn't make a mistake when he gave us emotions.

Speaker 1: 10:40

The Bible doesn't say, hey, you know, anger is, is, is, is not okay. The Bible says, yeah, you can feel anger, it's okay, it's natural, it's human. The big old butt when it comes to anger. It says that there's a line that we don't cross. There's a line that we don't cross and we got to understand this. Feeling angry is one thing, acting on it is something different. It's like God saying fill it, but don't let it fuel you to do something that you'll regret later.

Speaker 1: 11:06

God gives us clear boundaries. You know we don't. Some of those boundaries are. We don't let conflict turn physical. That's out of bounds. We fight, but we keep it fair. And spouses I'm going to speak to spouses for a second that means when you're arguing about one thing, you don't go back and bring up the five other things and add it to this argument. We got to learn how. To. Some people said, hmm, that's what Jacob's marriage counseling will happen directly out there to service. But no, but for real. We don't have to bring up every past disagreement and current problems. This is what we want to do, though.

Speaker 1: 11:44

When it comes to conflict, we want to focus on the problem and not the person. We want to focus on what is the problem, and oftentimes we combine the problem and the person, but really there's a problem we got to handle and we got to remember we love that person and we want to address that. We want to address the problem that's at hand, and here's the toughest one when it comes to anger and conflict. James in the Bible talks about how our words are powerful. See, in anger, this is where we often slip up. No scream and no hurtful words, but this is challenging, I know as everyday people who are learning how to become Jesus followers. We're called to rise above that and not jab people with our words that can knock them down.

Speaker 1: 12:26

Anger, just to be transparent, is something that I've struggled with, honestly, probably my whole life. Like I said, I was kind of joking. I was always a feisty little kid. I was always just kind of. I kind of carried that to adolescence, to adulthood and I remember I've come a long way, to be honest. But recently I remember when I was challenged with this, it was one of those days I was just angry kind of at the whole day. I don't know about you, but for me sometimes anger stacks, like there's one thing that happens and then this next thing that makes me angry, and this makes me angry, and it kind of builds up. And there was this one particular day that I was kind of upset. Throughout the whole day I was probably feeling not appreciated. That's kind of my thing that gets me upset when I don't feel appreciated.

Speaker 1: 13:05

And I'm sitting at the dinner table with my kids and Erin and something I don't remember happens I don't remember what I'm angry about and something happens which causes me to throw my fork, knock my chair down and storm out of the room. And now my kids are crying and they're like they'd never see me that way. And now I'm angry. I'm not even angry at what I'm angry about. I'm angry that I allowed anger to make me angry in front of my kids. And so then I step out, I calm down, like oh my gosh, I can't believe I did that. And now I walk back into the dinner and my kids are crying and I say daddy, messed up. I apologize to them, but the truth is I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be a person that just blows up because I'm angry or whatever happens.

Speaker 1: 13:46

But it's hard, guys. I should have said it because it's hard at times when things happen we don't feel appreciated or we feel devalued or whatever the case may be. But we have to own up. We got to rise to the occasion because God has called us for something more than that to live better than that. Next verse says this do not let the sun go down on your anger. Healthy conflict is timely. Healthy conflict is timely Now.

Speaker 1: 14:13

I heard a pastor say this and I thought it was on point for the topic of conflict. He said in the US Constitution come on, don't get me saying Hamilton up in here In the US Constitution says the Sixth Amendment says in all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial. Now that relates so well to this point, because what the amendment is saying is someone isn't endlessly held in custody that you actually at some point have to step into the trial. You have to step into the conflict and handle it. It's kind of like this right, we have brought into the lie. We have brought into the lie that time diffuses all conflict. We brought into the lie that we can allow time to heal all wounds, that just, even though I had an argument with someone, even though I had a fight with someone, over time it will be okay. But what do we all know about human nature? That time doesn't diffuse an issue? Time actually leaves us in custody longer. But now, during the holidays, you can't even be around that person because they make you upset, or it's your workplace and you try to avoid the hallway that they work on or on even a Google Meet call, you try to avoid the meeting that they're in.

Speaker 1: 16:03

And what happens over time? When we have unresolved conflict, it builds up. And there's this pressure that builds up with conflict and this pressure that we have when we have issues with people, when we have problems with people. This pressure builds up and it makes us feel anxious, it makes us feel depressed, we lose sleep over it. Come on, and there's all these problems and the lie is well, over time it will be okay, but the truth is, the pressure comes and once the pressure hits a certain level, okay, we blow up on people.

Speaker 1: 16:45

I was kind of hoping I was going to go into the audience, but but that's what happens, isn't it? We're like a balloon that pops when there's too much pressure. Now I've got to say it is important to handle conflict in a timely manner. I'm going to get to what that can look like, because that's a big thing. Okay, here you go.

Speaker 1: 17:05

The last part of this scripture says this give no opportunity to the devil. Now, that can sound kind of that can sound kind of intense. What is that? What do we want to focus on? Healthy conflict is resolved At the end of the day, healthy conflict is resolved, and I believe that the heart is so much pain and division in our world and so much pain and division in your personal life. Is this there is on resolve conflict. There are things that have happened to you, there are things that happen in your life by people who you trusted, people who you love, people who you care for, people who you stuck your neck out on the line for, and they have hurt you and they have banned. They have caused grief in you and you feel wounded, you feel wounded by it. But we see it in our world, don't we? We see it all around. Let's face it.

Speaker 1: 17:53

The enemy, the one who Jesus described as a liar and a destroyer, is actively seeking opportunities to ruin relationships in our lives, to cause problems. And where does he find the easiest entry point of this? It's in the open door of armed resolve conflicts. Think about it in our marriages, our friendships, our relationships with siblings, every area we just discussed, the enemy is waiting to grab hold. Now, that's what that means for the enemy to grab foothold. Dang, thank you, man, thank you. The enemy waiting to grab a foothold of every opportunity is saying that when we have these armed resolve issues, the enemy can come right in. The enemy can come right in and unfortunately, we've been handing these opportunities over on a silver platter. We've been handed. Look at all the division we're experiencing in our world politically, racially, in communities, the Super Bowl it's a byproduct of giving the enemy space to operate.

Speaker 1: 18:52

But here's what's even more concerning. I want you guys to get this. Here's what's even more concerning the enemy doesn't stop at just creating division. He aims to make reconciliation seem impossible, that he wants to drive a wedge so deep that we start believing there is no resolve for the conflicts in our lives. See, let's check this out.

Speaker 1: 19:14

This is what the Apostle Paul says. To that though Second Corinthians, he says finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice, strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace and check this out, and the God of love and peace will be with you. Don't we all want that? Don't we all want to live with peace and love, not with, at the end of the night, replaying confrontational conversations in our head, and how we wish we would have said that and we wish we would have jabbed them there. You know, come on, am I being honest today at church? Is it just me? Am I the only one that wants to uppercut somebody?

Speaker 1: 19:52

But what happens is because what happens when we're in a place like that? There is no peace, there's no love, there's no joy. The fruit of the spirit is hard to come by when we're harboring bitterness towards people, when we have unforgiveness in us and it's not that we should forgive people and it's oh, you're good, you're clean, okay, that's fine. No, no, no, no. It's not about them, it's about us. It's like when I'm living in a place of bitterness and I'm hurt by something that someone's done to me, whether they recognize it or not. It's my joy that I'm losing and we have to step up to it. Here you go, and this is what I want to say, though that is heavy, Come on, let's acknowledge the heaviness of this topic Because there is some small conflicts that, hey, with some better communication we can handle.

Speaker 1: 20:45

There's some things like that. But let's be honest, some of you, your problem isn't that someone is leaving dirty clothes in the middle of the floor. Your problem is someone left you stranded. Someone left you to deal with the issues in your life. Someone caused issues and gave them to you as a gift and you're stranded with them. Conflict is heavy. It can weigh on us emotionally, mentally. Our mental health can be weighed down because of that Depression, like the song that we sung today.

Speaker 1: 21:18

We speak Jesus because man, anxiety and fear. It is real. We got to speak the name of Jesus and ask for help. Now here you go Again. I want to be honest with you guys. I hope you love that. I'm honest. I try to be real with you guys.

Speaker 1: 21:35

I don't try to act like I got it all together, because I don't, because, honestly, just a year ago, god took me through a journey of healing. I literally had a list of people who I hated no joke, like a whole. There's about six people on that list, people I just couldn't stand man Like. If I never saw them again, I'll be happy right. And God took me on this journey a little over a year ago, so it's not that long ago. God took me on a journey of learning how to pray for them.

Speaker 1: 22:03

Now it's easy to pray for your mama. God, I just love my mama. Thank you so much for her. She made the best fried chicken. Lord Helped her make fried chicken to her last day. You know it's easy to pray that prayer. That's an easy prayer to pray.

Speaker 1: 22:20

But, man, to pray a kind of the prayer, prayer over someone who hurt you, that's another kind of prayer and someone you're like well, I can pray that prayer, pastor Jacob. Lord, smite them in Jesus' name. No, no, no, no, but no praying God. Bless them, heal them, help them, be with them, man. Jesus even said even the tax collectors know how to love people who love them. Jesus said even people who don't got it all together know how to be kind to the people who are kind to them. But the example that influenced the evidence of a Jesus follower is I'm going to not only love someone who doesn't like me, I'm going to pray for them, I'm going to bless them.

Speaker 1: 23:11

Can I be honest today? Because I don't want to bait and switch people. I ain't trying to bait and switch people and set up a Christianity that looks all good and great and there's no problems, but then you recognize there's still life problems. I want you to know following Jesus is hard. No, no, no. Not hard in the sense of oh, I just got to bear my cross today. Oh, just as well as me. I'm your, the Christian. No, no, no, not hard in that sense because there is joy, because where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom, and the joy of the Lord is my strength, come on. So I'm going to rejoice again. I'll say it again I'll rejoice when we are connected to the heart of God. Joy flows from our lives. But there are some things that are not joyful. There are some things that are difficult and they are hard and they are very uncomfortable, like loving those who don't love you, forgiving those who have never said I'm sorry. I'm just saying that because everyday people who are learning how to become Jesus followers. It will require us to make some hard decisions. Just keep going.

Speaker 1: 24:35

I want us to look at Genesis 50. I'm from a story that most of you are probably familiar with, and I want to pull four lessons from this, from this scripture, to help our hearts to learn how to resolve conflict, not change people. We can't change people, but we can't ask God to heal our hearts. Check this out. Genesis 50, 19 says this, but Joseph said to them Joseph is the son of Jacob, which is a good name. Who is the son of Isaac? Who is the son of Abraham? Who is the son of Tara, who we talked about last week.

Speaker 1: 25:17

And when you look at Abraham's family, it should give your family a lot of hope. When you look at his family, I mean Abraham's family was messed up. They were liars and thieves. They always told God they trusted him, but then did things behind God's back. The bottom line is this Abraham's family was a lot like ours. It was messy, it had different dynamics, it was blended, and yet God used that family to change the world. So that gives me a little bit of hope about me. Actually, it gives me a lot of hope when I read scripture, that the scriptures are filled with imperfect people trying to serve a perfect God and even though they mess up time and time again, god's love still meets them and he uses them to do great things.

Speaker 1: 26:11

Joseph is a classic example of family drama. His dad, jacob, favored him more than the other 11 brothers, which that's just a lot of kids right there. For example, there's this one story in Genesis that Jacob takes all 12 brothers to Chesterfield Town Center and they're going back to school shopping. And Jacob and Joseph go to one of the stores and Joseph is like oh, jacob's like Joseph, get those Air Force Ones, those things are sweet, you're going to look great at your first day of kindergarten and those things Get them. And then the other brothers, like Ruben and Levi, they're like oh, dad, did we get some Air Force Ones too? And then Jacob's like nah, you guys are going to shop at Payless, go get some bobs. Okay, that's not in the Bible, but for real he does give Joseph this sweet coat and everyone else has these raggedy coats.

Speaker 1: 27:09

Jacob didn't hide his favor over Joseph, over his other sons, and because this family has generational patterns of how to not handle conflict the right way, what happens with Joseph's brothers. They were jealous and Joseph didn't help them matter as much, because he was gifted and God did give them dreams and God did use them to do great things, and he was right. But haven't you ever been so right that you've been wrong? And so they're jealous, they're upset. So what do they do? Because they don't know how to handle conflict, they don't know how to do it. They grab Joseph, they toss him in a pit and then they sell him into slavery. And you thought your sibling rivalry was bad. Think about this for a moment, though. Think yourself in Joseph's shoes. Some of you know this feeling. I want you to listen to this. Some of you know this feeling the deepest betrayal coming from the people that should love you the most.

Speaker 1: 28:09

But Joseph's story doesn't even turn around right there. He ends up spending 13 years in Potiphar's house, part of that time in prison, for a crime he didn't do. Even in prison, he finds favor interpreting dreams which would be, which should have been his ticket out of prison. But the guy's dream who he interpreted went to went. He had to go sit at the king of Egypt's table, forgot about Joseph. So Joseph spent longer time in prison than he should have been.

Speaker 1: 28:35

Finally, joseph is released and rises to power in Egypt just in time for a famine to come. And get this. Who shows up? Who shows up in need during this famine? His brothers. They show up, the ones who betrayed him years earlier. They don't even recognize Joseph at first, because it's been so long. And here's what the story takes a powerful turn Genesis 50-17,. When his brothers finally realized who Joseph is, they asked for forgiveness. This is monumental because this is the first time we see the word forgiveness used in the Bible. Let's take this out.

Speaker 1: 29:16

Conflict resolution it starts with in first. It starts with in first. It starts with in us. Conflict resolution always starts with in us first. Joseph says this. Joseph said to them do not be afraid, am I in place of God? Now? If I was Joseph, I'd be ready to get my payback. If I was Joseph, I would want to let them know all the ways they hurt me. If I was Joseph, I would do that. But here's a remarkable thing Even before Joseph confronts his brothers, even before the external conflict comes to the head, Joseph had a change of heart. First, joseph's heart changed way before the conflict ever went to happen. There was an internal work, a transformation being shaped by the Holy Spirit.

Speaker 1: 30:07

And then Jesus, jesus, he shares a parable about this. This is a parable I'm sure you're all familiar with, about his son who goes up to his dad and says, dad, I wish you would just die and give me my money. And the father says, okay, just take your money and go. And then the son he goes. He goes to a far land and he's wasted all of his money doing the stinky lake. He wastes all his money and then, once he loses all of his money, then a great famine happens.

Speaker 1: 30:33

Then the boy he's, then the son. He's eating pigs. He's eating the pods that the pigs are eating. He's at his lowest moment. He's at his lowest and what we see in this story? That he loses his relationship with his father. He loses his financial security and because he was Jewish and he is associating with pigs, he loses the things that he believes in. He lost it all. He lost love.

Speaker 1: 30:56

But then he says he comes to his senses. He gets to his lowest moment. He says even my father's hired servants are better off than this. I'm going to go home and I'm going to apologize. At least I'll be a hired servant for my father. But check this out. It says this in verse 20.

Speaker 1: 31:13

So he got up and went to his father and I want you to get this part. But while he still was a long way off, while he was still a long way off, his father saw him, which means his father was looking for him, which means that his father was in the tower looking for his son to come back home. And when the father saw him, he ran to him, hugged him, kissed him, embraced him, and I think it's safe to say the father forgave his son way before his son ever said I'm sorry, because healing has to start in the heart first. That's why, the first week of the series, I've talked about the matters of the heart. Again, you can have everything changed on the outside, but if your inside is unhealed and your inside is on redeemed and your heart is still hard, you're still going to go back to the place you don't want to be.

Speaker 1: 32:08

Joseph could have easily retaliated for every reason, but Joseph didn't. He asked a profound question. He said am I in the place of God? Meaning? He experienced healing because he recognized how much he was forgiven in his life. Paul says this forgiving one another just as God, through Christ, has forgiven you. We forgive not because that person deserves it. We forgive because Christ forgave us. We forgive from a place of there and this is and then and then, and so how does Joseph do this? How does Joseph live this way? I call this the critical step. I call this the ice cube reminder Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Speaker 1: 32:55

Jesus said this. Jesus said why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plankle wood in your eye? I love how dramatic Jesus is. How can you say to your brother let me take the speck out of your eye, when, when the entire time, you have a plank in your own eye, you hypocrite. First take the plank out of your own eye, then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Here's the key for Joseph. This is the key. Joseph. I want you to get this. Come on, I want you to get what I'm about to say right here. There's healing in this statement I'm about to say right here.

Speaker 1: 33:31

Joseph didn't rely on his brothers to heal the pain in his heart. Come on, I want to say that one more time. Joseph didn't didn't rely on his brothers to heal the pain in his heart. Meaning meaning this often in our conflicts we think if we win the argument or if we get an apology it will heal our pain. We think if we can prove the other person wrong, if they can just repent and own up to their mistakes, then I will feel better. But here's the hard truth that many of us unfortunately know you might never get that. I'm sorry. The other person might never acknowledge that they hurt you and that's why it's critical for God to heal your heart first. God wants to start healing you first in the process. Let's be practical. It starts by spending daily time with God. How do I find that healing? I gotta spend time with God.

Speaker 1: 34:30

Joseph continued. He said you attended to harm me. I love this. I love this because he understands he's not in God's seat. But then he understands that conflict resolution means it takes complete honesty. You gotta be honest. Put yourself in the person. This is a profound moment of honesty and clarity.

Speaker 1: 34:50

Joseph confronts his brothers that you attended to harm me. And again there's two extremes. There's an extreme of someone who gets angry and they lash out, and then there's the extreme of the passive person who gets walked over. Neither are good. But we gotta come to the middle and say, hey, you hurt me, this hurt me, this harmed me, and I love this, I love this. He said you, but you attended for harm. But he says this and this is.

Speaker 1: 35:12

You can only say this next statement out of a place of a healed heart but God, you did this, but God, don't get me going in here today. You did this to me, you hurt me this way, you left me stranded, you broke me, you hurt me, you left me all alone. I'm dealing with depression because of you. I'm dealing with can we get real at church today? I'm dealing with anxiety because of what you did. I'm dealing with hopelessness because of the decisions you made.

Speaker 1: 35:52

You attended to harm me, but God, my God, but my God attended it for the good, to accomplish what is now being done the saving of many lives Because of Joseph's heartache. It set him up to a position in power in Egypt. To save many lives. And I don't know what heartache you've gone through, I don't know what pain you have gone through, I don't know what trouble and trauma you have dealt with, but I do know this that our God is a redeemable God, that our God is a healer God, that our God is a provider God and with him he can take the pain and it can be used for the saving of many lives. And it requires conflict resolution, requires a secure faith and I know I'm preaching too long today, but I got to preach it Because too many of us are stuck in our pain, stuck in our problems. And it requires the secure faith that, even if that person never owns up to what they did, my hope is found in Jesus, my purpose is found in him. Jesus said you attended the army, but God used it for the saving. Paul adds on to that. He says we know that in all things, god works for good. God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. And I'll share this last illustration.

Speaker 1: 37:33

The other day I had my nephew over to my house and I got a new thing that we're trying to do to bond together. He loves Lego sets and we got this one of those real big ones. And I only done like the little ones with my kids before, and when we bought the big ones I was like dang, there's a lot of pieces in here. I think it is like so overwhelming. I was like 800 plus pieces in here. I was like, okay, there's a lot, and so we dump it on the table. And this is what I see. I see the picture of what it should be. Then I see the pieces on the table. I see what it should look like. But right now my reality is all these little pieces on the table.

Speaker 1: 38:12

And then me, just being me, I just started, I grabbed the instruction book and said, okay, I guess we need to find this piece and that piece. And then my nephew Jackson. He says well, uncle Jake, uncle Jake, he said no, he said first we got to sort it out by color. I said what it's another. You sorted out by color first, because then you can see it more clearly, then you can see how to build it, the way it's supposed to be built. And when he said it to me I thought, oh, he's a smart kid. But I thought about that more.

Speaker 1: 38:39

I think a lot of us, a lot of us, see the picture of what we want in our lives. But, for being honest, today, if we look at our lives, we look like a broken piece of Lego set and there's so many broken pieces and the process that requires secure faith is that I'm going to allow God to put them in the right spot and I'm going to allow God to build me up. I'm going to allow God to put the pieces together so that I can reflect the picture. And you want to know the picture. You want to know the picture that I pray for you, that you reflect in your life is that, when you look at your life, that you see Jesus, that you reflect Jesus and that Jesus can take the broken pieces in our lives and we can put our hope in him because, at the end of the day, conflict resolution sets us free.

Speaker 1: 39:41

So, god, jesus, holy Spirit, even as I'm preaching, you know the people who have hurt you. You know the names written on your heart. Come, holy Spirit, come, holy Spirit. Freedom in the name of Jesus. I feel like the Holy Spirit is reminding me right now that forgiveness does not mean forgetfulness. There are some people that you can forgive, but you've got to have a clear boundary. I just feel like the Holy Spirit wanted me to say that to somebody, because if someone else isn't healed, they will hurt you again. But freedom, freedom to forgive.

Speaker 1: 40:41

I specifically pray for the conflicts that spouses are having, and God, we pray for open lines of communication. God, we pray against the feeling of I got to hide or I got a sugarcoat. We pray for open forms of communication and healing and marriages, friendships. Lord and Lord, I pray for people who are having an adjusive moment. You attend it to harm me, but I see God use this.

Speaker 1: 41:26

If you're in here today, you don't see how God has used your hurt. God, I pray that you would begin to show them Healing in Jesus' name. If you're in here today, you're like Jacob, that sounds good, but I don't know this Jesus you're talking about. Or if you're like, yeah, I used to follow him, but I don't as much anymore, but I want to. If you want to make a decision to trust Jesus with your life or to recommit your heart back to him, right where you are, I just want you to pray this prayer with me. I just want you to say Jesus, forgive me for my mistakes, make me new, heal my heart. Lord, today I trust you. Today I follow you In Jesus' name. Amen. Let's give God some praise in here today.