We've been in a series on the book of Philippians and our scripture for today is this. We're gonna look at Philippians 4, verses two through three. Now it says, "Now I appeal to you, Euodia and Syntyche." Those are some hard names, come on."Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreements." Everyone say settle your disagreements. Settle your disagreements. And I ask you, my true partners, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the good news. They worked along with Clement and the rest of my coworkers whose names are written in the book of life. Our series declaration is I can't change yesterday, I can't control tomorrow, but I can choose joy today. Today. Okay, pray with me, LVC, and then we'll dive right into it. Jesus, we thank you so much for this day. We say yes to you, God. We say yes to what you're doing. We open our hearts to receive from you. Help us, Lord, settle our disagreements. In Jesus' name, amen, amen. Now I have a confession I have to make, okay? And I might be the only person in here. So don't judge me, don't look at me differently once I give this confession out. Don't be talking about me behind my back, talk to me in front of my face. No, have mercy on me, okay? Here's my confession, I'm feeling like Usher today. Here are my confessions. My confession today is this. I might be the only one. I have had relational conflict before. Am I the only one? I'm not? Oh yeah, okay, I'm in good company. Everyone has had relational conflict before, right? You know, and so I think it's safe to say that if you are a human, you will at some point experience relational troubles. You will have relational conflicts with a boss, a coworker, a neighbor, your waitress at the Waffle House, a spouse, your kids, a friend, someone you love. There will be disagreements, misunderstandings, frustrations you won't always see eye to eye. And honestly, honestly, if we're being honest, the hardest conflict we go through, what? Is with the people that we love. The people that we love. Those are the hardest conflicts to navigate and to figure out. Now one thing Erin and I ask our kids when they do something wrong, when they handle a relationship incorrectly, we ask them this right away. We say, "What can you do to make it right? What can you do to make it right?" We always do it sometimes they're so frustrated like why are you doing it but when we're parenting well we ask them this question what do you do what can you do to make it right because every parent knows that if you just tell your kid go say sorry what are they gonna do sorry they'll say it but they don't mean it you might feel better but nothing's really changed so we try to ask them this question what can you do to make it right how can you make this right now a Now, a few years ago, my daughter Kingsley, she was probably five or six at this time, she hurt another girl's feelings at church. They're in service. Now, long story short, Kingsley wasn't listening when the other girl asked her to stop and that really bothered her. So afterwards, I talked to Kingsley about what happened and she understood that she was wrong and I asked her the question,"What can you do to make it right?" And so she thought about it for a minute and she said, "Well, maybe I can write her a card and give her an airhead." I said, "That's good. I like that. I like that. The candy really makes it better." Okay, so then I say, "Okay, that's a good idea." I said, "Now, what if we don't wait till next Sunday to do that? What if we take it to her house today?" At that, she got nervous. She didn't like that idea. She was like, "What? I don't want to do that. I don't don't know if we can do that." And I told her, "I know it feels scary, but sometimes that's how you know you're doing the right thing. That's how you know you're doing the right thing." So she made the card, we got an airhead, we drove to our friend's house. I remember watching Kingsley walk up to the door, and I'm not gonna lie, I was so proud of her. I was so proud. She's walking with this little card she made and a piece of candy, you know, about to do the scary thing. She knocks on the door, the little girl comes out, and then Kingsley apologizes, and the little girl gives her what? A giant big hug. Gives her a big hug, and you can see the relief and the joy on Kingsley's face after she did that. And you want to know what happened after she gave her the card and the candy and she forgave her? They played together. It was awesome. They didn't go back on Facebook and post all these different things. They didn't give each other six months of silent treatment. They didn't add three mutual friends to the gossip chain. No, they forgave and played. And imagine how much better our world will be if adults knew how to forgive like kids. And they did, and it was awesome, because here is the truth. Conflict is a part of life. You can't avoid it. You can't dodge it. It will happen. And so as we continue this series on joy called An Invitation to Joy, we are going to look at one of the most important aspects of having joy in our lives. and one of the most common thing that steals joy, that robs us of joy, that robs us of the joy that God has for us, which is conflict, which is relational conflict. Okay, so if you're thinking, Jacob, not me, buddy, not me. I never had any relational issues. I wanna say, on behalf of everyone who loves you, you are socially unaware. And you're hurting a lot of people's feelings, okay? So no, because we know conflict is just a part of life. It happens because God loves, and this is the funny part, God loves to work through people. God being God thought it was a great idea to work through people. And this is what He does. Like imagine Jesus walking up to you, and imagine Jesus saying to you, saying, "I'm gonna change the world through you." And you would be like, "Wow, cool, awesome."Sounds good, Jesus, I wanna do that." And then He says, "And I'm gonna give you a team "to do it with." You'd be like, "I love it, yeah."Teamwork is the dream work, sounds good." And then Jesus begins to describe the team He's gonna give you. He says, "Some people on your team,"they're very overly opinionated."Some are kinda insecure."Some have a lot of baggage, "and they bring that baggage with them everywhere they go. "Some are hard to understand,"and some are gonna hurt each other's feelings, eventually they're gonna have conflict. And you'll probably say, "Jesus, are you sure this is the team you want that you want me to have? Are you sure this is the plan that you have?" And Jesus will say to you, "Yep, that's my dream team." Because that's the plan. Because that is the church. That is the church. That is the church. You You know, not perfect and polished people but broken people, messy people, former addicts, people with complicated families, people with trauma, people who have made terrible decisions. In the church you'll find people are still trying to figure out how to forgive their parents, people who are still learning how to control their anger, people who are still learning how to communicate effectively, people who are still becoming like Jesus. And somehow Jesus says, "I'm going to build my church with these kind of people." And that's incredible. And that is also why you shouldn't be surprised when there's conflict in the church. You shouldn't be surprised. You're like, "What? There's conflict? There's people that like what?" You know, the answer, here you go, the answer is it isn't a church with no conflict, that's impossible. The answer is a church that knows how to handle conflict well. See, because what makes the church so compelling, which makes our reach so compelling to our community, isn't that the church is perfect, but is that the church knows how to live differently, how to respond differently, to have a hope that is beyond what the world has hope in. And so the world doesn't need a church that pretends we're not messy. No, we don't need that. The world needs a church that shows what Jesus does with messy people and how Jesus loves messy people. So here is Paul sitting in a Roman prison facing the possibility of execution and somehow this relational conflict lands on his desk. This relational issue lands on his desk. The church in Philippi is having a problem, and it's important enough to bother Paul about it while he's in jail. And then this tells us something that we should probably pay attention to it, right? So it also communicates this to us. Don't be surprised by the mess. Don't be surprised by the mess, because sometimes we have this strange expectation of church. You know, we know we're messy. We know our family is messy. We know our workplace can be messy. We know our friend group can be messy. But then we walk into church and we think somehow everyone in here should have it together. Now why? Have you met us? Have you met me? People are complicated. We all walk carrying different stories, different wounds and habits and ways of handling life. And then Jesus again does something incredible. He says I'm gonna put all these people together and I'm gonna make a difference with them. Brokenness and all. Because the church has never been a collection of people who have arrived in life, it's a community of people who are becoming like Jesus. And a community of people becoming like Jesus ain't always pretty. It's not always perfect. And so if you're looking for a perfect church, head out the door now. Because you ain't gonna find it here. I hate to break it to you, okay? Now notice Paul's words here though. He says, "I appeal to you, Euodia and Syntyche. I did it. Please, check this out. Please, you belong to the Lord. Because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreements. Settle the problems. Now scripture doesn't tell us what the disagreement is. We don't know if it was the kind of style of worship they were playing in Philippi. We don't know if they wanted communion every week or communion every other month. We don't know if they were complaining about the small group semester time being a year long or 10 weeks. You know, we don't, maybe it was a major disagreement. Maybe there were harsh words exchanged. Maybe there was a violation of trust. We do not know what the violation is, but what we do know is messy and it's a big enough deal for Paul to address it. letter that would be read in front of the whole church. Like, that's kind of like intense, you know? It's like, oh, they're sitting in the auditorium, sitting in the chairs that week like, "He ain't talking about us. That's another Euodia. That ain't me, you know. It's her over there." They still having conflict. Okay, here we go. But the first note is how Paul appeals to them. He says, "Because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreements." And I love this because he doesn't say,"Because it's just the right thing to do. Because you just should do it because no no because you belong to God because you are following Jesus Jesus followers settle disagreements Jesus followers handle conflict Jesus followers don't let things go underground because you are a citizen of a different Kingdom we settle disagreements differently they belong to Jesus they are gospel workers they are important and they are and they are in an argument. And that tells us something. Conflict doesn't mean you're outside of the kingdom. Sometimes conflict is evidence that you're learning how to live in the kingdom with other people. And these two women, they're not random troublemakers in the church. They're important people. He says this, he says, "Help these two women, for they have worked with me in telling others the good news." This signifies that they were not just like Paul's assistant in kids' church holding the babies or making the food for the church picnic. No, these two ladies were with Him in the trenches, spreading the gospel. You see in this writing how Paul elevates women in leadership. He elevates them enough to say these two women are so valuable to the church and to reaching the gospel, they gotta handle their stuff right now. We gotta handle this. We can't let this go underground. We gotta talk about this. And they see they loved and served Jesus. They helped advance the gospel and they were still in conflict, which means two people can genuinely love God and genuinely disagree. Two people can see something differently. Two faithful people can hurt each other. Conflict doesn't mean one person is evil and the other person is right. Conflict means for conflicts can mean sometimes we're just human. And we hurt people. But I want you to get this, don't miss this though. Messiness is not an excuse for unhealthy behavior. See, messiness is not an excuse for unhealthy behavior. Oh, I'm messy and I have some trauma in my life, so I'm just kinda gossiping because it makes me feel better about myself. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, we don't gossip. If you haven't talked to the person, and if you want me to define what gossip is, if you haven't directly talked to the person and you're talking to 800 people to get some prayer for it, you're gossiping. You're gossiping. That's what it is. That's what you didn't know. You know, we don't say, "Well, that's just my personality to blow up on people." No. That's who you were before Christ. But Paul says, "You belong to the Lord." So you settle things differently. You live differently. And so our wounds may explain our reactions. Let me say that one more time. The wounds that we have, the traumas that we have dealt with, the hurts in our life, they may explain our reactions, but the Lord doesn't want you to stay there. He wants to heal you in those places because the way you respond to things is the real you. The way you respond to life's challenges heartaches and pains and disappointments and people you want to do this to, explains more about you and less about them. And so, and so, and so sometimes, sometimes the very people who frustrate us are part of how God wants to form us to become more like Jesus. How do you learn how to have some patience? Have a a four-year-old. Pray for me. You want to learn how to have some patience for real? Deal with someone that nags on you. You know, so, so, so maturity, maybe maturity isn't never making a mess. Maybe maturity is learning what to do when the mess happens. And here's the good news, the mess doesn't have to steal your joy. It doesn't have to steal it. You don't need perfect relationships to have joyful relationships. You don't need relationships. What you do need is relationships where grace is present, forgiveness is practice, and Jesus is forming us. So we're not gonna be surprised by the mess, but the second thing is this. Don't let the mess become the mission. Don't let the mess become the mission. Now Paul's view of conflict resolution is not his own. He didn't make it up. This is exactly what Jesus taught us to do. See, healthy churches don't avoid conflict, healthy churches learn how to navigate conflict. And this is what I want to say to your personal life though. I want you to say this, I want to say this to your personal life. Insert your relationship here. Healthy blank don't avoid conflict. Healthy blank learns how to navigate conflict. Healthy marriages don't avoid conflict. Healthy marriages learn how to navigate it. Healthy parenting blank. Healthy... Insert your relationship there. That's how you you don't avoid it, you gotta learn how to navigate it. Jesus says this. He says, "If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won't accept the church's decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupted tax collector. Jesus is so good. He's so good. Like, I love me some Jesus. I love Jesus because He sets this up beautiful and for a way for us to deal with this. So you see, Jesus comes against everything we naturally want to do here. He comes against everything our natural tendency wants to do. Here's what Jesus knows about you and Jesus knows about us. unresolved conflict is exhausting. It's exhausting to have it in our lives, to have it in our hearts, to have it in our minds. What do you do when you have unresolved conflict? You replay the conversations in your head. You think about what you should have said. You see their name on your phone and your stomach tightens. You walk into the room and immediately wonder if they're there. You talk to an imaginary version of them in your head. Well you say all the right things and you mic drop at the end of it. And none of that produces joy. But what does Jesus say? Jesus says, "Go right to the person." Jesus. See I'm telling you man, when you read the things that Jesus says, if you read the things that Jesus say and you're like, "Got it," I don't know if you're reading the right Bible. Because I read the things that Jesus says and I'm like, "Whew! You want me to do what? You want me to go right to the person? That offended me? That hurt me? Wait, wait, no Jesus, you mean go right to them after I tell three other people how they hurt me, right? No, no, no, right to them first? You know, and also I think if Jesus was in the digital age, he would say, "Go right to the person and don't text them or call them." I'm gonna let that one hang a little bit. Don't text or call them, but see them face to face. Because you can hide a lot in a text message. You can, you know. I'm talking to smart people, you know. You know you can. And see, and then Jesus is saying this to us. He's saying, "Assume best intentions first." He said, "Take them privately. Just talk to them. Hey, "Hey, you know this happened?" Assume they are on your side first before you assume they were against you. Because it's the enemy, it's the enemy, it's our spiritual enemy that wants to make everyone an enemy of us. And so we want to assume best intentions first before assuming the worst part. And if that doesn't work, treat them like the pagans and the tax collectors. Now, for the longest time, I always read that verse as like, just kind of throw them to the side. But then I thought about it. How does Jesus treat pagans and tax collectors? Jesus pursues them. He loves on them. He makes space for them. He opens his heart to them. Check this out. I love the way Eugene Peterson puts this verse in the message paraphrase of the Bible. It says, "If he won't listen to the church, you have to start over from scratch. Confront him with the need for repentance and offer again God's forgiven love." It's saying go back after them with God's forgiving love. Now, let me add something here, though. Now, if someone violated you, if someone violated you, if someone broke trust with you and you need proper boundaries, I'm not saying just forgive and move on. No, no, no, you can forgive and still have healthy boundaries. And I'm going to say something. That's the importance of our freedom groups. That's why I'm encouraging people to get into freedom groups. If you have one group to pick this semester, freedom group. That's the one to go because we need to learn how to find healing from yesterday's traumas in order to live the freedom that God has for us in tomorrows. And I'm going to say this again. You may say, "Oh man, I got my kids in this program, I got this and that program." It'll take 12 weeks. It'll take 12 weeks. They'll be all right. They'll be okay. Someone else can pick them up. But you want to know what they need more than just another rehearsal to go to? They need a healthy parent. They need a parent who's willing to deal with the scary places in their hearts in order to find the freedom that God has for them so that you can now parent in a way out of a place from freedom and not from a place of bondage. Come on, I'm preaching right here. Because here's the thing, here's the thing that happens. We want to make decisions based on our places from bondage. And God is saying, no, no, no. It's time for you to start making decisions from freedom, from the hope that I have for you. And so, and so here you go, here you go. I'm going back to conflict, back to conflict. I don't know why I wipe my hair like I got hair. I don't got long hair like that. I need one of those napkins things, the handkerchiefs. Can you play the organ for me? Okay, sorry. Here's one of the healthiest things we can learn to do is assume the best before we assume the worst. We assume the best way we can assume the worst. And so we're so quick to assign motives to people. They don't care. They did that on purpose. They're not trying to disrespect me. And the reason why we assign motives to people, because we don't have freedom in our lives. That's why. And that's why the freedom groups are so important. Sorry, that's my last plug. Maybe they were tired. Maybe they misunderstood. Maybe they were carrying something you knew nothing about. Maybe they had no idea how their words came out. So before you judged your motives, get curious about their story. And then here's the hard part, and this is what Jesus is telling us to do. Own your part. Own your part in this one. This is hard. Because when conflict happens, we naturally ask, "What did they do wrong?" But maturity asks, "What was my part in this? What was my part in this?" And sometimes the most spiritual thing you can say is, "I was wrong. I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?" And that's not weakness, that's Christ-likeness. Instead of asking, "How do I prove I'm right?" Ask, "What does love require of me right here?" See, healthy relationships aren't relationships where nobody ever disagrees, I would actually say you're probably not in a healthy relationship but you never disagree with somebody. I think disagreement is a part of life. Healthy relationships are where people know what to do when they disagree, when they disagree. See, unresolved conflict takes up emotional space that God never intended for it to occupy. And much like Nick's word during worship today, Jesus says, "Go. Go. You don't got to stand still. I am fighting for you. And watch how I'm going to fight for you when I part the sea for you. Just go. Go after what I'm calling you to do. No more excuses. Just go. Just go." And there is joy in knowing I did what Jesus asked me to do. This is so good. This is so good. There's joy in knowing I did what Jesus asked me to do, even if the other person doesn't respond perfectly. You may do all those things. And they may say, "Nah, I never did that. You're making that up. That wasn't me." That's fine. You obey Jesus. And that's what really matters. That's what really matters. Last part is this. Don't forget what's at stake. Don't forget what's at stake. This is what Paul says to the two women. He says, "And I asked you, my true partner, to help these two women, "for they worked hard with me in telling others the good news."They worked along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, "whose names are written in the book of life." Paul zooms out. He zooms out and says,"Remember the bigger story that's happening here. "Remember the bigger story."You're not just two people who are frustrated with each other."You belong to Jesus." And I think this is where it gets personal for us, because this isn't only about conflict inside the church. This is about conflict within your marriage. Conflict in your family and your friendships with your co-workers. The person who disappointed you. The friend who hurt you. The family member you've been avoiding. The person who drives you crazy. Because if you are a Jesus follower, the way you treat people matters because people matter. Because people matter. The way you handle conflict matters. The way you speak when you're angry matters. The way you respond when someone hurts you matters. The way you forgive, it matters. Jesus said, "If your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciple." In other words, people should be able to see something about Jesus by watching the way you love people. And it's easy to love people when people are nice to us. But this is where this Jesus thing actually begins to do something in us when we have the love people who are not very lovable. when we love people that hurt us, when we love people that we would prefer just to push away and put a big wedge there and pretend like they don't exist. That's when this Jesus thing begins to really challenge your heart and you begin to say, "Wow, Jesus went on a cross for people that would deny Him, but I'm not willing to talk to my coworker who stole my Starbucks." I know I'm simplifying it to get a laugh which I didn't get one. But seriously he went to a cross for people, for the very people that hung him on that cross. For the very people that put him there while they're nailing, while they're putting nails in his hands, he's thinking I'm doing this for you. When they mock Him and put a crown of thorns on His head, He's saying, "I'm doing this for you. I'm doing it for you." Following Jesus gets real when somebody hurts you, when someone misunderstands you, when someone says something they shouldn't have, when somebody disappoints you, when you have every reason to hold the offense, Jesus starts working on your heart. So let me make it practical. I know we like practical around here. Let me make it practical. Who are you thinking about right now? Because as I started this message, someone came to your mind. Someone came to your mind. Maybe it's a spouse, maybe it's a parent, maybe it's a kid, a sibling, someone at your work. Maybe it's a friend you haven't talked to in months. And before we ask, what do they need to do? Jesus followers start differently. We say, "Jesus, what are you asking me to do in this?" And for some of you, Jesus is asking you to go to Freedom Group. Before you can re-engage that relationship, you need to find some freedom in your heart. Some of you, Jesus is saying, "Yeah, I want you to make the call. I want you to make the visit." And let's be clear, forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was okay, but forgiveness means I'm not going to let what you did turn me into someone Jesus is not calling me to become. I'm not going to let what you did to me create in me a bitterness towards all people. I'm not going to let what you did in me make me hate all men. I'm not going to let what you did to me make me say I'm guarded and I can't live free. I'm not going to let what you did to me cause me to become the person that God did not call me to be. And forgiveness says I'm letting go of that thing because what Christ did for me on the cross is greater than that hurt or offense. And I'm going to find freedom in my Savior. And so I'm going to put it in the hands of Jesus and Paul tells the church. he says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just because it's a good thing to do." No, no, no, we forgive, just as in Christ, God forgave you. My forgiveness is an overflow of the grace that He has given me. Because without His grace, He has given me, I am dead to sin. But because of His blood on the cross, because I'm a blood bought child of the most high God, I can forgive. And that's what we do. we forgive the person. We move forward and that's where joy comes from. My joy isn't dependent on whether you finally admit that I'm right. My joy isn't dependent on whether you recognize my apology or you don't. My joy is rooted in the fact that Jesus has forgiven me, that Jesus has reconciled me to God, and that Jesus is teaching me how to live free. And Jesus invites us out of the bitterness and into His wholeness. He invites us out of the gossip and into life-giving language. He invites us out of the resentment and into the freedom that He offers. So I say to you today LVC, make the card, buy the airhead and ask, "What can I do to make this right?" So God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. This is a heavy one today, Holy Spirit. This one isn't one plus one equals two, God. It's complex. It's emotional. And so, God, I hand you the disagreement. I hand you the conflict. And I even feel the Holy Spirit saying to some people here, get from out of hiding. You can't avoid this one anymore. Because what it's doing in you. Yep, I just feel the Holy Spirit saying that, that He is concerned about what this bitterness is doing in you. concerned about what this resentment is doing in you. Okay I'm gonna be bold today. I feel the Holy Spirit saying this. He wants to have union with you but there is a blockage and it's that unresolved issue. And he's saying he wants you to remove it because he wants union with you, connection with you. The The scriptures say, "Leave your gift at the altar and go make it right." This is a hard one today, Jesus. This is a hard one today. But we know you made us to do hard things. And so we lean into you, Jesus. And so in Jesus' name, I speak relational healing in Jesus' name. I pray the fathers and sons reunited. The mothers and daughters reunited. God, I pray households restored. And I pray generational curses broken in Jesus' name. Holy Spirit, come in power and in might. We trust you with this thing, God. Jesus, we rejoice that you reconciled us to our Father God, and that we can have freedom and hope in you. So we say yes to you, Jesus. You have our yes. In Jesus' name. The church says, "Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen."